What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Do married men like sucking dick?

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Why are Americans obese? Is it the food or is it the psychology?

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Gun owners, imagine if an attacker comes to your home and takes your gun to use against you before you had the chance to pick it up. Would you regret owning a gun?

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

My dog is 2 weeks old. He's not eating, moving and always sleeping and I can't take him to a vet. What should I do?

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But ive been too sick for many years..

It was going to be , some day.

Why am I sweating so much at night even though my room is really cold?

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Comes on , in middle age.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I said to her

How do I change a truck’s engine oil?

Who then, do I blame.?

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

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We all went to grammer schools

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Put me off passion for life!!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

What melts your heart every time without fail?

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

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We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Why do gun owners feel the need to defend themselves with deadly weapons? Can they not just talk things out like civilized people do?

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

What did i know ?

What does it mean when we dream about demons, ghosts, monsters, etc.?

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

So, i spoilt her more .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Are you afraid to get married and why?

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I was seconnd youngest,

My family never makes their pension either.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I could never make a relationship work though!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

We were not on the streets..

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I was 9 years of age.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

But it wasn’t much.

And i lived it daily.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

My life is so biszare .

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I was very sick at this time too.

She married twice! .

On the 31st of Jan this month .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Im still living with it.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I have no regrets .

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Why did i forgive my father ?

She found it foreign!.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I waited trembling.

(And it was in our own minds.)

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

One cannot live in the past .

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Especially a lifetime of it.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

He resisted the act ,that day.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

I couldn’t, believe it.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I will be 64.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

As i do to all so called friends.?

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

When she asked me how she looked .

Im dying but, im not bitter.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

She loved him until the end.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Ive learnt so much.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

This is soul school!.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

All the time i was locked up.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

She wouldn,t have been !

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

I don,t even have a pension.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Would this be the day?

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

She was in good health!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

He knew the spot.

I was scared of men, in general

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I never cut or harmed myself..

And who doesn’t know suffering?

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

But, we were locked up after school.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Was to survive, this bastard.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

So whats the point in blame.

I think the readers, may guess!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I write beautiful poetry .

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,